Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Grace - 20 months


So Grace is 20 months old and lives for the following 4 things:

1: Peppa pig
2: Juice
3: Chocolate
4: Tomato ketchup

The morning routines goes a little something like this:

5.30am - Get woken up by Grace shouting "Mummy, Daddy UP" from her cot very loudly whilst banging her empty bottle against the bars.
5.40am - Stagger downstairs with Grace in arms whilst she hits me/James repeatedly with empty bottle shouting "MORE JUICE."
5.45am - Struggle to open eyes enough to work the Sky Plus remote whilst Grace chants "PEP PEP" and hits me/James with full juice bottle.
5.45- 6. 45 - Doze to peppa pig, snorting occasionally at funny parts (Yes Peppa Pig IS funny actually. James had a conversation about it at the pub the other night with his mates. Greg's favourite, like mine, is the skating one. James likes the one where Daddy Pig claims he is excellent at French but isn't.)

The evening routine is more of the same but the demand for choc -choc is more frequent and Grace won't eat anything other than pasta and pesto (which we like to call Pasto or Pesta as it's so much quicker) unless it's swimming in ketchup. We were in Waitrose the other day and Grace broke free to race round the store. She came back with the following four items and looked VERY pleased with herself:

1: A bottle of ketchup (Heinz of course)
2: A bottle of orange squash (Robinsons)
3: A chocolate yogurt (Cadburys)
4: A Peppa pig magazine

She is talking more and more. If, for example, I dare go in her room without waiting for her to let me enter she shouts "NO MUMMY OUT" and physically pushes me away.

She spends hours in her room reading her Peppa pig magazine very loudly ( " Rah rah blah blah Pep Pep, Doe doe, Nanneee, Mummy, Bye Daddy, Dandah, Rah rah " ) or trying on her extensive collection of shoes. Her favourite shoes, of course , are the ones we bought her for the wedding which she is absolutely not allowed to wear till the day.

She tries to climb up her clothes to reach them on the top shelf in the wardrobe. It never works and she ends up on the floor in a puddle of clothes, which she then tries to put on all at once (a bit like that game which no one remembers playing where you roll a dice and if you got a six you have to put on a coat, hat, scarf and gloves then try and cut a square of chocolate with a knife and fork before someone else gets a six.
If they do, you have to take off the hat, scarf, coat and gloves and hand them over to be put on by the new lucky six-roller before they put them all on and try to cut a square of chocolate with a knife and fork before someone ELSE gets a six. GOD I loved that game, I might play it at my hen do)

Grace has also become very very keen on swings, or 'wee wees' as they are affectionately known in our house. I take her to the local park, and after about half an hour, once both my arms I dead, I say "Hey Grace, want to go on the slide?" "No" says Grace, and we carry on swinging "Weeee Weeee" "Weeee Weee".

I, on the other hand am too stressed out about the wedding to enjoy simple pleasures in life, like swings or tomato ketchup. I often have nightmares that a giant bouquet is chasing me down the street or that my high heel gets stuck in a drain on the way to the town hall and James marries someone else instead (He does not like people to be late) .

In an effort to relax, I went to my friend's salon for the day.

I had a lovely massage, some reflexology, a pedicure and then my friend who runs the salon said "Why don't you finish it off with some hypnotherapy?"

I was so relaxed I thought "Why not man?"

The room I had it done in was up some very narrow and creaky stairs, and the woman I was having it done by smelt strongly enough of patchouli and incense before she lit even more right next to my head.

She then spent ten minutes or so trying to drape an old pink blanket over the window to "set the scene". I say trying because it kept falling down.

She then put on some 'drone' music and directed me to a chair which looked familiar but I could not work out why.  It was mostly hidden by a throw with gold stars and moons all over it.

Anyway, she sat me down and asked me what she could do for me. I told her I was a bit stressed out about my forthcoming nuptials and that Skye (friend who owns salon) had said it might help.

"Ooooh and it will" she said.
"It will be the most relaxing treatment you have ever had.
Once I start talking in my relaxing voice, the relaxing sound, along with the relaxing music and relaxing lightening and relaxing scent will all help to really relax you... "

On and on she went, I kept wriggling to get comfortable in the uncomfortable chair and each time I did she said "Yessss, I can see you are really relaxing now" and I thought "No I am not, I've never been more uncomfortable"

But in the end I gave in, I don't know if it was the lighting or the scent.... or the blanket over the window but the next thing I remember is her shouting at me and being very close to my face as I woke up (snorting).

She claims to have completely reprogrammed my mind with her relaxing voice/face/smell/pink blanket flapping in the wind.

As we got up to leave I quickly peeked under the stars and moon throw, I knew the chair was familiar, it was a fold up camping chair! You know the ones with the beer holders in the arms? Who gives reflexology to someone in a camping chair? We all know camping is the least relaxing thing ever. All in all a very very bad experience. Plus James had to drive me home with all the windows open because I stank so much. I am not going to ask for my £15 back but I confess I have worried since. Seems my mind is not reprogrammed after all.

I have found a new way to escape my woes however...

Twilight.

The books about the vampire Edward and his non-vampire girlfriend Bella. They are amazing. I've read all four books twice and seen the film more times that I will admit here on my blog.

I have taken to staying up after James has gone to sleep and putting it on quietly so I can swoon over Robert Pattinson (plays Edward in the film). James always wakes up however and then I have to pretend I rolled on the remote control by mistake.

He has also found the Internet searches I have done of 'Robert Pattinson shirtless' or more shamefully 'Do Bella and Edward ever have sex in Twilight?"

James detests Twilight, and Robert Pattinson and his character Edward. He reads out passages of the book over my shoulder in a ghoulish voice or does his own Internet research on Robert Pattinson and recites facts like  "Did you know Robert can't even use a washing machine?" He knows this will gall me as I love washing.

Luckily alot of my friends are now in the Twilight club and we spend alot of time talking about the books or saying things like "Cor, he could bite my neck anytime." I know, I know. Hopefully I will grow up a bit in the four weeks I have left before the wedding.

James had his 36th birthday a couple of weeks ago and thinks he is dead grown up now. The other day I was driving along at high speed (late to get Grace from nursery) and he said "You drive a bit like I used to" I almost crashed I was laughing so much.

Anyone who has been in a car with James why-keep-your-foot-on-the-accelerator-when-you-can-pump-it-on-and-off-and-lurch-all-over-the-place-instead Waller will know why I found it so funny.

The new grown up James was soon forgotten when we went to Spring Farm Barn Park got on the giant pillow however. Sounds rubbish doesn't it? It's not though it's great. It's like an almighty trampoline but better than that, it really is like a pillow.

Anyway - as you can imagine as soon as James saw it all hell broke loose and small children went flying left right and centre as James leapt up and down with great gusto. He claims one of the children who took a tumble at his expense had knocked Grace over first, but I did not do anything mean to Grace and he still took me out.

As I went sailing in the air and landed on my face Grace said "Mummy, Uh oh" and then doubled over laughing. Oh ho ho, she is too much like her dad at times.

She knows exactly what she wants, and how to get it. If she is hungry she gets a bowl out the cupboard and walks over with it in her hands saying "Mummy peeeeeeeeeass" in a desperate voice as if I hadn't fed her for weeks. The same happens with the juice bottle if she wants a drink. Trying to get her to have juice in something other than a baby bottle is an ongoing battle.

James and I have learned to duck as Tommee Tippee beakers come flying at us with alarming accuracy. James is delighted about it, he has already decided she will be a top tennis player.


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